I'm Too Young
by TwistedRaver
Summary: -Punishment always terrified me. War just helped bring it to the surface.- For the Harry Potter Fanfiction Challenge. The Phobia Challenge.


**Title:** I'm Too Young

**Summary:** -Punishment always terrified me. War just helped bring it to the surface.- For the Harry Potter Fanfiction Challenge. The Phobia Challenge.

**Genre: **Angst/Drama

**Character:** Draco Malfoy

**Author's Note:** This is for, Morghen's Phobia Challenge on the Harry Potter Fanfiction Challenge Forum. My prompt was _Poinephobia_ the fear of punishment.

**Disclaimer:** Anything that is remotely familiar does not belong to me. :)

* * *

Death was one thing. Punishment was another.

Guess which one I'm more terrified of. You'll never get it right.

A Malfoy terrified of something? _Ridiculous._ That's what I thought as well.

Death would be the obvious choice for a Malfoy though. But are we Malfoys really that see-through?

Death doesn't bother me. It's what comes before death. Death is just the aftermath of punishment in my world. Death is the escape. The point when you can ironic enough _breathe_ again.

Punishment is what I'm terrified of. Many would think I only say I'm scared of punishment because of the wrong I've done. And believe me, I know what I've done was wrong, but what would you do if you wanted to save your family from their own death? You'd do anything, right?

In all truth, punishment always terrified me. War just helped bring it to the surface. Everything was becoming real. My father was in Azkaban. My mother was distraught. And I? I was trying to save them. I was given a task by the Dark Lord, that I knew deep down inside that I would fail.

And I did fail. I wasn't able to kill the old man. The old man died, killed by Professor Snape.

As I'm guided through the battle I'm not worried about being hit with a stray Killing Curse. I'm not worried about that Order lot getting a hold on me. I'm not worried in the slightest about death. Not really.

What I'm worried about is what waits for me beyond those school gates. I'm sure I'll be whisked away to where the Dark Lord waits. Waiting to hear how the mission unfolded. And he won't be happy to hear that it was not me that had disposed of the man.

And when I do stand before the Dark Lord, many would have thought that my hyperventilating, the rapid beating of my heart, the dryness of my mouth, the trembling, and the urge to vomit was due to humiliation of failing. Or maybe they think it's because I'm about to die at the hands of my Master.

Both are wrong. Both are incredibly wrong.

I'd rather _Avada Kedavra _myself and save myself from the pain I know I'm going to feel. No one goes unpunished. **No one. **

"I expected so much more from you, Draco," the Dark Lord says to me. "You managed to get my Death Eaters into the school, but you couldn't do the one thing I specifically asked of you," he continues. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

_I'm too young._

"I—My Lord, I have no excuse," I manage to say weakly. The Dark Lord smiles at me, but it doesn't reassure me considering he raises his wand. I'm weak in his eyes. I'm nothing but a pawn to him. I'm disposable, but he won't kill me... Because he knows that's too quick. _Painless_. I'm the food and he's the child who plays with it before he eats.

"How disappointing, Draco," the Dark Lord drawls.

My eyes never never leave the wand in his hands. I can't move even if I wanted to. He's going to use _Crucio_ me. My punishment. Then I die once he's bored with that or rather once my screams stop, whichever comes first. I hope it's death...

My heart is beating so fast now it hurts. My breaths are even shorter, I may faint before the pain begins (I could only hope). My body trembles are worse than they were before. My mouth so dry, nothing will ever wet it again. And the nausea is threatening to spill at any moment.

_Just kill me..._

"You're dismissed, Draco," the Dark Lord says. "I will _not_ be giving you and your family any more chances."

"Yes, my Lord," I manage to choke out. I bow and leave the Dark Lord. He's within my home I can't run far my mother still lives here...

My heart and breathing slows down as I step into the garden, but the nausea never leaves and the trembling never stops. The fear that I'll be punished never goes away.

As I lean against the side of Malfoy Manor, I realize the Dark Lord knows my greatest fear and allowed me to punish myself. That's the worse kind of punishment. The kind you put upon yourself. The kind that will never leave me for the paranoia won't end. The Dark Lord has made me fear punishment in a new way. He made me fear the punishment I'll put myself through.

His punishment is along the lines of one toe out of line and it's torture...then death...but I'm not afraid of death.

Death is the finish line.

So ask me what I'm _bloody_ terrified of.

Death? Or punishment?

Death is my friend.

_Punishment_ is what I put _myself_ through.

* * *

**So I'm not _too_ happy with this because it sounded a lot better in my head. But I think it came out okay-ish. **

**It's not my best work, but I hope you enjoyed it nevertheless. :)**

**-TR  
**


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